Host Family

Many of you may know that one of the aspects of the Guatemala site that really drew me to it was that the volunteers live with host families. There’s just something about living in the midst of other people’s lives that offers you a deeper glimpse into who they are. I thought that if there were one thing I would change about the India site, I would have lived with a host family.

What I’ve recently realized is that I do have a host family in PG Hostel. There are only seven of us, me, two first year Chemistry students, and four second year Chemistry students. I do everything with them that I would with a traditional host family: share meals, run errands, see each other off at the railway station, complain, rejoice, say “goodnight,” read (they study), and play.

What’s really special about these six men is that they don’t see me as their token American friend. At least not to the same extent as I feel many other CMS students do. With the hostel guys, my Indian family, I feel like as much of a Malayali as I’m ever going to. I can be honest with them: ask them not to call me saip, tell them when I’m not having a great day, and share that I miss my American family and friends deeply. In return, they listen to me and show genuine concern as if they were my brothers.

I recently found out the four second years are leaving at the end of March and will only return occasionally for their last exams. That only leaves the two first years and me until August. Except I found out this morning that one of the first years is leaving CMS. He has decided that a Masters in Chemistry has absolutely nothing to do with what he wants to do professionally, become a civil servant. I can’t say that I blame him, but this is a rough time for everyone.

Back in September, he was by far the most exhausting person I had met at CMS. He threw a ceaseless volley of questions at me concerning United States and Indian politics and social issues. To illustrate the struggle, I told the other volunteers that he must be the person God is “calling me to love.” I was soon able to appreciate that at least he asked the questions others were afraid to and spending time with him has become a joy, not a struggle.

But now he is leaving us. And to further complicate matters, that would leave only one student in PG Hostel proper (I live in an adjoining room), which leads them to think they may close the hostel after March. I pray this doesn’t happen. Not because I don’t want to move (frankly I don’t have enough things to even make it a hassle), but because I don’t want to lose my host family. I hope that they are able to find more students or some other solution. As long as I don’t lose the family I’ve found, I’ll be content.

T Minus 1 Day

Today is basically my last day at home since I'm flying out at 7:00 am tomorrow for Louisville. So, I don't really count tomorrow as being home seeing as I'll be barely coherent at such an early hour.

I'm am still absolutely thrilled, but I have been experiencing a healthy amount of sadness/pre-nastalogia over the last couple days. When cleaning my room on Saturday, I felt the first pang of sadness at the fact that I'm leaving. In the past, when I've been moving, I would wash all my clothes and then pack them. This time, I washed them and put them away in my closet.

I'm definitely leaving a lot more, material and immaterial, behind this time. It finally hit me that, no, this isn't going to be like another year at Schreiner. I will miss my family, friends, and comforts of home more, but the reward will also be greater. The final goodbyes have been good and not too depressing. I think most people understand that this is something I'm really looking forward to. (Although I have had to remind a few people I'm not on my death bed!)

It still hasn't "hit" me that I'm moving to India because, frankly, I can't really picture myself there yet. The idea of India, after all my reading, still seems so distant. A past volunteer assured me that this is normal, so I'm not concerned, I just hope that when it sets in, it's overwhelming in a positive way.

Speaking of overwhelming, this Sunday, my last day at Bethel Presbyterian for a while, was perfect. Even if there was a random barn dance song during the offering, it only made it more "Bethel." Jim, my pastor, did a very casual (much to my appreciation) commisioning of sorts. I keep telling people, but it really does mean so much to me to feel as supported as I do.

Finally

I feel back to my normal self. 

Here's a whirlwind update: Wednesday my parents arrived and we had dinner. Thursday my aunt, uncle, and cousin arrived, I packed, and we ate more food. Friday I moved out of my apartment and my great aunt and uncle arrived. On Saturday another aunt, my brother, his wife, and my nephew arrived and I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Religion from Schreiner University. 11 family members were there (actually 12 if you count Henry). Sunday we all drove back to the Gulf Coast and my mom got to pick out spatulas from Williams-Sonoma for mothers day in San Antonio. Yesterday I hung out with my nephew and sister-in-law and we tried to run but both of us were pretty out of shape and Josh was fussy.

So here I am. And this is how I feel: It feels so good to be done with college. I'm not super depressed, not really even sad. I love my time at Schreiner and I know it's immeasurably important as far as who I have become, but it was time for me to move on.

The weekend itself was a little overwhelming with trying to keep friends, family, and dogs all happy at once which is why I'm relieved all of the hooplah is complete. Graduation itself was pretty cool and the only time I got choked up was when I hugged all of my professors. 

I am excited about moving back home for the summer as I think it will be good for me and there is a lot I want to accomplish as far as reading, writing, running, sleeping, eating, and visiting.  Today I'm going to send off for my new passport.

So, after a week of feeling out of sync with myself, I can tell I'm starting to click again and I'm excited about it. 

Elitist Butts

I am no longer an employee of the H.E.Butt Grocery Company... apparently. My last day was supposed to be this Wednesday but when I got this weeks schedule I saw:

MON - OFF

TUE - OFF

WED - OFF

THU - OFF

FRI - OFF

SAT - OFF

SUN - OFF

The only thing I'm disappointed about is when I last worked, last Wednesday, I didn't know it was my last day so I didn't say good bye to people; I just walked out. However, I'm glad that I'll have more time to devote to writing my finals before I leave on Thursday to go to my placement event. 

I did visit HEB today to shop and furthered my going green, which was pretty expensive this round. But I figure it's worth paying extra for organics and if I just spend less in other areas, as I've been doing, it will even out and I'll feel better about where my money is going.

Home went well; I successfully helped my mom set up her computer even though she doesn't quite get how to use it yet. I tried hard not be impatient and I did well for the most part seeing as I was rushed. I got to see my nephew, Josh, who got sick the next day so I wasn't able to spend a lot of time with my brother and his wife. But I'm looking forward to spending the summer at home with everyone, including Henry. And also with my parents new tv!

In other news, I'm really frustrated with a book I just started. You see, when two of my friends went home with me for spring break we stumbled upon a great $0.99 book sale at Hasting's where I got 8 books. I have already read the first one, Elements of Style, a quick-read, witty satire of NYC's elitist social society. It really made me think whereas the book that I've just started seems to be going nowhere! It's just a little disappointing because I'd like a good book right now!

And on that note, good night!

Henry

Meet Henry, my parents' dog child. He's 4 months old and a Jack RussellRat Terrier cross. He happens to be my favorite dog in the world and makes me want my own pretty bad. Oh, and I get to spend the summer with him!

Perfection

I woke up Friday morning after driving home the evening before to find that it was raining! As I've mentioned before, I love rain. And while I enjoyed the rain, I took this picture as the rain clouds swept away to reveal the sun and the grass was still wet. What a perfect, coffee-drinking, Henry-petting morning!

Astronomical Reckoning

For a while I've wrestled with what to do with this awkward time block between college and volunteering. I toyed with the idea of being a counselor at three different camp/conference centers, keeping my job at HEB, staying in Kerrville (both on and off campus), transferring to an HEB at home, and working for a ranch in Junction.

What I've settled on is to go home for the summer and just be. I'll read and write, spend time with family, travel and say good-bye to friends, catch up on films I want to see, help my parents out with working cows when they need it, keep the house up to make it easier on them, run through woods in the morning, take plenty of pictures, eat healthier, cook, and relax. I won't be getting a job. I feel like 3 months isn't enough time to really commit myself to anything anyway and I've asked my parents to keep any tractor work to a minimum as I find it overwhelming depressing. I may even find somewhere to volunteer a few hours a week.

I don't really know what I want to accomplish. I feel like it will be a good transition from Schreiner to India/Guatemala (I will be volunteering in one of these countries for a year beginning in August). I'll be able to visit my friends a few times but also allow myself to be more comfortable away from them. I'll be able to spend time with my nephew, Josh, as well as my brother and sister-and-law. I'm just trying not to over-plan it by keeping my options open and as scheduleless as possible.

Also, because I had to miss a trip in February that the school payed for, we had to buy a refunded ticket from the university for $357. So, I'll need to find a way to spend that ticket before the end of August comes. Going off of an idea that my friend, Elaine, gave me, I think I may just fly up to New Hampshire for a few days and relax in the most rural bed & breakfast I'm able to find. I think that could be both fun and rewarding

So, now I'm really looking forward to the summer and what it has to offer. The only thing I really want to do is to just center myself.

Where the ____ is?

Can home not refer to more than a plaque with five numbers?

I had a few topics that I'd been dying to write about all weekend, including adoption, the complexities of the human personality, and the beauty of life's unpredictability (maybe I'll get to them), but all I can think about is how good it feels to be back in my apartment. I felt relaxed the moment I stepped through the door with my overstuffed backpack and laundry hamper full of newly-dirtied clothes. There's just something to be said about having your own space to be. I have four different papers to write, a test tomorrow to study for, and notes of missed classes to find. Yet, somehow, it all seems more manageable than it did 300 miles earlier. Here, in this room, I'm invincible.

Strange thing is that I loved my visit home. I left my university Thursday night after my last class was done and was planning on returning early enough this morning that I would be able to make all of my appointments. However, that plan of action had me waking at 5:00 AM for a 4.5 hour drive through the fog, so I postponed my return until later today and arrived just late enough to miss my last engagement. In short, my weekend was filled with an 6 week old nephew, 17 month old cousin, two aunts' new puppies, and delicious food. The weekend over all gets an A+, even including the drive.

As I entered the city limits of my current residence, I picked up the phone to make the traditional, complimentary "I've made it safely" call to my mother. And then I made the awkward mistake of saying, "I've made it home safely." Nothing was said, and she probably didn't care, but the slip had me thinking about what I actually consider to be home. The way "home" is used it seems to refer to a singular place. But maybe that's the problem; we tend to think of home as a physical place with an address and a porch swing.

I often refer to home while at college meaning where I grew up and vice versa. Certainly they can both be my homes. Maybe home is where you feel drawn to. It's more difficult for me to feel a longing for my apartment when I'm just across campus compared to the serenity it seems to offer while I'm surrounded by an exhausting, but loving, family. I think it's pefectly fine for the idea of home to be more fluid; ebbing and flowing flowing with my own location. Now, sitting in this chair, in this room, in this apartment, in this town, I'm content. I'm home... for now.

One of my favorite movies, Garden State, has a wonderful quote about home:

Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.