New Stuff for You!

You can find my most recent newsletter on the PC(USA) website.


Also you can find almost 200 photos from my All India Tour and new photos from Kerala.


(Blogs coming soon!)

T Minus 1 Day

Today is basically my last day at home since I'm flying out at 7:00 am tomorrow for Louisville. So, I don't really count tomorrow as being home seeing as I'll be barely coherent at such an early hour.

I'm am still absolutely thrilled, but I have been experiencing a healthy amount of sadness/pre-nastalogia over the last couple days. When cleaning my room on Saturday, I felt the first pang of sadness at the fact that I'm leaving. In the past, when I've been moving, I would wash all my clothes and then pack them. This time, I washed them and put them away in my closet.

I'm definitely leaving a lot more, material and immaterial, behind this time. It finally hit me that, no, this isn't going to be like another year at Schreiner. I will miss my family, friends, and comforts of home more, but the reward will also be greater. The final goodbyes have been good and not too depressing. I think most people understand that this is something I'm really looking forward to. (Although I have had to remind a few people I'm not on my death bed!)

It still hasn't "hit" me that I'm moving to India because, frankly, I can't really picture myself there yet. The idea of India, after all my reading, still seems so distant. A past volunteer assured me that this is normal, so I'm not concerned, I just hope that when it sets in, it's overwhelming in a positive way.

Speaking of overwhelming, this Sunday, my last day at Bethel Presbyterian for a while, was perfect. Even if there was a random barn dance song during the offering, it only made it more "Bethel." Jim, my pastor, did a very casual (much to my appreciation) commisioning of sorts. I keep telling people, but it really does mean so much to me to feel as supported as I do.

Antsiness

With only 11 days to go and (simultaneously) not nearly enough and plenty to do, I find myself feeling mixed emotions. I've reached a point of "antsiness" because half of me is ready to board a Kochi-bound plane tomorrow, while the other half feels overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done.

Most of my goodbyes have been said (other than close family) and the majority of my shopping is done. However, I seem to remember new things that need to be done everyday. None of them too big to tackle, but not small enough to ignore. Of particular note is the amount of reading I still need to complete and the unwritten thank you notes haunting me.

So, what am I doing tonight? Going to a sushi bar for the first time. And I'm pretty excited about it. I'll let you know how it goes!

1/12 of a Year

Today marks a month until I leave Houston for Louisville to begin YAV orientation. August 26 will be an important day because it really will be goodbye to my family; I plan on leaving my cell phone at home so that I won't be distracted at orientation as we were told that it's at orientation that our YAV year really begins. I feel like this last month will be pretty critical to my preparation as a YAV. I need to finish the reading list, buy the things I still need, pack!, and prepare metally and emotionally for saying goodbye and uprooting myself.

Chasity, a long time friend of mine, emailed me recently and said, "So, tell me: What're you getting excited about and what are you getting nervous about?" So, I thought it would be fitting to include my response on my blog:

Great questions! Well, hmmmm, I'm excited about moving away from anyone I know (not totally true as I've already become close to one of the other volunteers, but still, I didn't know them before). That was scary when I went to Schreiner, but it worked out great in the end. I love building new relationships and it's simply awesome for that to be my 'job.' I'm excited about focusing on my relationship with God more than I have recently. One of my goals is to read the Bible all the way through (maybe not in order) before I come back. I feel like we all should anyway, but I think it would give me an interesting perspective to read it while in a foreign country, especially one where people are struggling at a different level than we are. I'm excited about being exposed to social justice issues that I already care about, but will now have faces to put with the issues. I also think this will be really hard, but good for growth and such. I'm honestly most excited about learning the things that I'm not anticipating because I just don't know. I love the mystery. Oh, and having tea every afternoon.

I'm scared about not being good enough at what is asked of me. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle some things. That something that everyone else is fine with (think scary situations) may be too much for me. I doubt this will really happen, because I'm going into it with a pretty adventurous attitude and a real desire to learn and experience new things. But, really, I'm not that scared. I think I should almost be more nervous. I was more nervous about the idea of going to Guatemala than I am actually knowing I'm going to India, so I think that's a good thing. Maybe I will become more nervous as I get on the plane and such, but it's difficult to feel nervous about something that feels so right.

Where I Stand

My last post about the progress of my India preparations was written amidst my coffee hiatus. I will try to bring you up to speed from there.

I am glad to report that my kidneys are being damaged by coffee again on a daily basis. After a week of 3 urinalyses, the doctor felt certain that I was fine and signed off on my physical. I am scarred by the experience, but steadily recovering.

Last month I visited the local health clinic to mooch off the government and get as many of these shots for free as possible. I scored. After only thirty minutes, I walked out having had 4 shots (Tetanus, Meningitis, Hepatitis A, and Hepatitis B) and with very little pain.

Last week I visited the Baylor Travel Medicine clinic in Houston (not free!) where the Travel Nurse was quite effective in convincing my mom that I would catch Malaria. No, she wasn't that bad, but it doesn't take much to worry dear mom. I left that lovely office (it was quite nice) with only two puncture wounds (Polio, and Hepatitis A/B combined for comfort).

I am now through being poked by needles. I expected the count to be much higher, but counting the aforementioned shots, TB skin test, and blood work, I was only damaged eight times. It would have been more had I not elected to not get the Rabies pre-exposure series or the Japanese Encephalitis shot and not chosen to take Typhoid orally. The point is: other than a dentist appointment, I'm done with all things medical regarding India.

The other aspects of preparation have been quite humbling. After feeling pretty confident about where some funds were going to come from last month, I was quite shocked to see it didn't come so easily. After a fair amount of panic, I found that everything worked out and came from unexpected places. I think to fully appreciate people's generosity, I had to be beaten down a bit and learn a little patience.

The other disaster was the visa. Quite the piece of work that visa. After getting my passport rushed back in May, I was feeling productive and decided to go ahead and apply for my one year visa. Mistake. You see, my visa came back with "Date of Expiry: 18-JUN-2009" written so gently upon it. Like a thief in the night. It appear the year I'm allowed doesn't begin upon arrival. Oh, no; the expiration is one year from the date the visa is processed. Seeing as I am not planning on leaving India until ??-AUG-2009, we had a problem. The only solution, pay even more money to replace it with a 5 year visa. So, now I have my visa ready to go and I can even visit India again before 02-JUL-2013 if I see fit. It all worked out, just not as I intended. Such a tricky one, that God.

So, where are we now? Well, it seems I've gotten all my paperwork in to the PC(USA) and just need to focus on reading and packing for the next 6 weeks. I'd like to point out that it hasn't really hit me yet that I'll be moving to the other side of the world in the time that it takes elementary students to get their next report cards.

However, I am leaving tomorrow for what I'm calling the Farewell Tour. I'll be visiting various friends and mentors in Dallas, Winnsboro, Junction, and Kerrville over the next couple weeks. Should be fun!

CMS College

On June 30 I was thrilled to see my inbox had been graced by my an email containing my specific site placement in India. I had gotten the impression that there were only about two possible sites for men and I had begun leaning toward one. I anxiously opened it to find I had been placed at CMS College, my top choice.

The following information was included in the email:

The work assignment can include possible tasks from those below:

• Engaging a few classes on areas like developing communication skills, creative writing and media.
• Involving in student activities like film club, English chit –chat club, nature club and other interested fields.
• Associating with College Chapel service, Bible study groups and college choir.
• Associating with college magazine.
• Visiting churches and associating with youth groups on week ends.
• Visiting Boy’s Home at Kanam, near Kottayam
• Visiting homes of students and staff and get a clear understanding of the community around.
• Any other area that the volunteer may come across, and would like to associate with.

Accommodation: staying in the postgraduate student's hostel/dormitory with a bath/toilet attached private room for oneself and eating with the students.

Words and phrases including, "creative writing... film club... nature club... Bible study groups... visiting churches... visiting Boy’s Home... visiting homes of students... any other area... and private room," where of particular excitement. And we're just going to gloss over the part that suggested I may be singing. I'm also looking forward to working with people who are essentially my peers. I'm excited to discover the nuances within the similarities and differences of life for Indians that are my age.

Naturally I looked to Wikipedia to jump start my research of CMS. It is a (now) co-ed college began by missionaries in 1817. One site called it the first college in India and another just said Kerala. Either way, it has a lot of history. The college also boasts an impressive list of alumni and appears to be quite prestigious. I'm glad that I wasn't able to find too much information on it as there will be plenty mystery surrounding my new home upon arrival in September.

The 60,000 population town of Kottayam that CMS calls home also seems like a unique place. Not only is it home to the first printing press in Kerala, it was the first city in India to achieve 100% literacy. That is huge! I'm fairly certain a few towns surrounding me in my beloved Texas haven't achieved that. Another point of interest is that the Kottayam District (think county) is 45.83% Christian, coming in just under Hinduism. This is very unique to the country which is only 2.3% Christian. These statistics simply speak to the pluralistic society found in Kerala. A society I hope to learn from in order to have on new outlook on the wounds that we have here in the States between denominations.

All in all, I'm now even more energized about my upcoming year, which I anticipate will be full of challenges and blessings.

Caffeine is like a crazy ex-girlfriend!

I haven't had coffee for the past three mornings and it sucks. What also sucks is that since getting stuck on dial-up at home, I haven't blogged. 

As you know, I moved home last Sunday, but it wasn't until it hit me that I've been feeling so out of whack for a week that I decided to unpack and organize my life. So, here I sit in my newly organized room with Henry sleeping in my old, comfy chair.

I'm going to the doctor today at 1:00 for the followup to my previous physical (on Friday) because I drank coffee Friday morning, which messed up one of my labs. I think I have to deal with needles today as well. I've dealt with amazing caffeine headaches each day around noon and will be getting a cup of coffee immediately after my appointment today!

I found out that among the other shots I have to get to go to India, I also have to get the Hep A and B series which I failed to get in high school. I also have to get a TB skin test, today I believe. Now, I'm not terribly afraid of needles but I also don't exactly look forward to them either. Oh well, it'll all be worth it so I ca have my little adventure!

I had a good chat with my brother about my upcoming year and he was really supportive and seems to think that it will be really good for me. That made me feel pretty confident as he has traveled much more than anyone else in my family. 

Now that I've gotten my books organized onto my bookshelf, I'll be working on my summer reading list, which will be ridiculously long. I'm excited but I also hope that I make the time to read all the books that I want to. I'm thinking one pre week. We'll see. 

Oh, and I really miss high speed internet. 

Almost

I just got done with graduation rehearsal where it started becoming real. I'm very excited but also very stressed as well. None of my grades have come in (although I'm not really at any risk), I haven't started packing, I have lots of "goodbyes" to get done, and my parents will be here within the hour.

At the same time, it's all very manageable and I feel very lucky to be here. Last night the three Presbyterian Religion majors that are graduating had dinner with our internship mentors and campus minister at a faculty member's (and friend to all of us) house. It was so much fun, relaxing, and comfortable. Over dinner we talked about our best memories from Schreiner, which was really neat to discuss.

While there, my mentor told me that I needed to come to the two churches that he and his wife co-pastor and speak to the Session (governing elders for you non-Presbies) about sponsoring part of my $10,000 that I have the pleasure of raising over the summer to go to India. I actually only need $2,500 by July 15 and the rest by next July, when I come home. But, I'd really like to be done raising money before I leave in August.

So, I'm really looking forward to next week when I'll start preparing for India logistically. On Monday I will send off for my passport and Thursday I have a doctors appointment for a physical that I'm required to undergo. I also hope to meet with my home pastor to discuss my home church's sponsorship. Basically, I'm trying to hit the ground running this summer so that I don't get bored, am prepared for India (as much as that is possible), and have time to relax before I leave. I also have a lot of reading to do and plan on beginning to run again.

Wow, I'm just looking forward to being home as that means I'll have closed this book in my life's anthology instead of hanging onto the epilogue.

Halfway Mark

I'm halfway done with finals. Actually, more than half. I've written 26 pages and only have 6 left. That's not so bad! I also have a pretty easy traditional exam next week that I'm not worried about. I still don't think it's really hit me that I'm graduating next week. I'm excited but not really sad. I don't understand because I love Schreiner; it just hasn't sunk in I guess. 

People have been so supportive of my going to India. It's been a nice contrast with my level of pre-placement support. I think people are able to relate to the excitement that I'm exuding. And I do mean that; I'm drunk on excitement I think!

I don't really have anything genius to say as I'm running on a glorious four hours of sleep (and I definitely love my eight hours every night!). Just thought I'd check in.

I'm going to India!

Finally, after two years of being interested in the YAV program, I know where I'm going to be living in September: Kerala, India.

I flew out of San Antonio on Thursday morning to arrive in Louisville, Kentucky around 3:00 PM. I found the other prospective YAVs waiting on me at the airport. A baggage cart hit my plane when we were pulling out of Houston (a connection I had to make) so we were a little late, but the 20 people waiting didn't seem to mind.

Everyone introduced themselves and I was still anxious because of not knowing anyone but by the end of the 15 min. van ride to Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary I just felt good about where I was. We were all welcomed enthusiastically and people continued to filter in from the airport.

Now, I had checked the invitation email to see how many people had received it (about 16) but it turns out about 35-40 people were at the placement event. This made a lot of us nervous. I especially shy away from competition and with a program like this you have enough worries already.

To sum up the weekend: it was amazing. The amount of people was perfect. I've never felt part of a community so quickly that truly supported each other in their joys and struggles. It was intense: a lot of discernment took place, but it was healthy. I wouldn't change anything.

I interviewed with Guatemala (as did 21 others) and India (11 others). Now, Guatemala was great but I'll stick to talking about India for the most part as that is where I was placed. I immediately liked the India site-coordinator.

Rev. Thomas John is a retired Psychology prof. and the only native missionary of the PCUSA and was born and raised in Kerala but educated partially in the States. He is such a gentle person and is just able to put you at ease. He is also very excited for us to be a part of his family and took pictures of us to show to his wife.

However, the interview was still pretty intense. I don't know how better to describe it. He asked meaningful questions to really get to know me and never tried to stump me but still, it was intense. I walked out feeling good, but not perfect about it.

In the end I put down India and Guatemala equally as preferences but after I couldn't stop thinking about India, I went back and explained that while I'd be happy at either, I really felt more excited about/called to India. The program is very education based and really encourages us to immerse ourselves as fully as possible.

I also love the other people who applied to to India. While only four of us were placed there, I would have been happy with any of them being there with me. One person in particular, Sudie (it's her real name) is a blast and we really get each others' senses of humor (as do the others) so I think we'll be able to really support each other on this journey.

Right now, I'm just thrilled. The day after I had to manage some doubts but the excitement has just grown. I know that there will be a lull as I get closer and I will probably start to panic that I won't do well, but in the end I know that God has a hand in this as this is something that a really feel called to do even if I don't understand it fully.

Well, I'm off to read more about India!

The Doorway

I feel very alone in my journey. And I think I'm semi-OK with it. I don't feel like anyone really gets why or what I'm doing with the next year of my life. I'm not taking a year off. I'm not saving the heathens. People just don't know how to relate to the choice I've made in responding to the call I feel.

My Campus Minister and I just had a great conversation. She knew that I am leaving in the morning to spend four days in Louisville, Kentucky to discern my placement for my year as a YAV and asked if we could sit down after a meeting we were both a part of. We discussed my concerns and what I wanted to get out of the weekend.

I realized that more than anything I want to come away feeling at peace with my placement wherever it is. I also told her how alone I feel in all of this. A friend of mine recently flew to Indiana for a job interview that is also a year long placement but very different from what I'll be doing; she will work for her sorority and travel all around the States. 

When she left, another friend and I were extremely supportive and really encouraged her. However, with me neither of them know what to say or how to approach the situation. I just don't feel very supported or understood but I realize that it's not their fault; they simply don't know how to relate. 

My Campus Minister and I explored the idea that the isolation I'm feeling is a way for me to feel at home with the other YAVs and appreciate being able to relate to each other and everything we have in common. So, because of that I'm looking forward to this trip. 

I'm also concerned for how my friendships will hold up after I return from Guandia. Frankly, I know I will be changed, hopefully for the better, and will view the world in a much different way than I did before I left. Also, because it will be difficult for me to stay connected to people back home, the change may seem a little abrupt. I know that some of my relationships will grow because of it but some will inevitably be hurt by the changes we undergo. 

I'm just trying to stay open to it all. I feel like I'm walking into a blackened doorway with the unknown on the other side. But I feel like whatever I find will be amazing.

Prius, Meet Kerala, Cousin of Gujarat

I met an Indian woman today at work; she spent her first 18 years of life in Gujarat, a state on the western coast, and the last 18 years here in the States. Most exciting was that she just returned from a visit to Kerala, a state on the southwestern coast I will live in if I am placed in India. I told her about YAV and she was so genuinely excited for me.

She explained that she would love for her daughter, who is in the 9th grade I hear, to live in India so that she would understand how to appreciate the "facilities" we have in the States. She even told me that she wouldn't lie, a year would be intense; I excitedly explained that I would be disappointed if it wasn't. 

In the end, it was great to visit with her and I was amazed at how supportive she was and she seemed to "get" why I wanted to go. I absolutely can not wait to know where I'll be adventuring at the end of August.

Also, while at work, I asked a woman how she liked her car, a pastel green Prius. Apparently it is amazing and as soon as I have a little money, I should buy one. I sincerely promised her I would. 

More on the India site:

See You In Guandia!

I'm starting to get so very excited about the program I've applied to. For background, because many don't know, this is what the program is.

It is the Young Adult Volunteer Program through the PC(USA). It is a year-long program, running from August '08-August '09 with both National and International placements. The program focuses on being rather than doing and is a ministry of presence. I found out about the program my sophomore year and it was then that I began playing with the idea of becoming a volunteer (YAV). I began the application process in February and have now been invited to travel to Louisville, Kentucky for the International Placement Event from August 24-27.

I've signed up to interview with Guatemala and India after thinking about Hungary, Northern Ireland, Egypt, Peru, Kenya and others. Guatemala would be amazingly relevant as I would return in Spanish and you also live with a host family which is ideal for me as it is the extreme of cultural immersion. At the India site, you live at small colleges, orphanages, or elder homes, or a hybrid of all three, which are also very culturally immersive. I would be so happy with either and am trying not to lean too much one way or the other.

So, the placement event. I'm so excited! I think it will be a lot of fun and I'll meet the people that I'll be serving with which should be really cool. It will also help because lately I have felt that a lot of people don't really "get it." They don't really understand my reasons for going, which I understand; it's a pretty counter-cultural thing to give up a year of your life. But I don't feel like that's what I'll be doing at all. I really feel like I'll be gaining so much for giving very little. 

Well, I'm trying not to get too excited because there is a small chance that I won't get a placement, but I feel pretty good about the whole thing.

¿Por qué?

Tonight I deleted two blogs that I previously started and unsuccessfully maintained; one on MSN Spaces (10 posts total) and one on Myspace (1 post). Before deleting them, I saved them as drafts on this blog so that I will have a record of them. I still don't really know what I want to accomplish with this blog, but I have some ideas for motivation.

First, I have a horrible memory, so this will be helpful to look back on later in life. I anticipate that being even more helpful when I'm in Guatemala/India next year as I expect after a year of being back in the states it will all be a blur anyway. I want to be able to look back and tell my kids about my experiences and I believe this will be a helpful tool.

Also, I will use this blog while overseas to inform people of what I'm doing on a daily basis as I don't imagine I'll be making many phone calls. This way, people who care can stop by and see what I'm up too without me responding to a ton of separate emails. However, I really do hope people email me, because I'm going to want to keep up with their lives also.

Thirdly, I have found, when I'm able to keep up with it, blogging really helps me process my thoughts and experiences which will be particularly helpful when living overseas. I'm sure I'll have some crazy, uncomfortable, unnerving experiences that will need intense exploring to make a little sense of. I imagine that I'll keep a journal and mark certain selections as blog worthy so that I'm not subjecting everyone to all of my rambling thoughts. 

Also, I installed a program to monitor the traffic on my blog because I was curious to see who visits. The answer: absolutely no one. The reason: I won't tell anyone the address. However, I had at least imagined that some anonymous strangers had stumbled over it at this point. No, they haven't. I'm ok with this though. I have a pretty eclectic audience in my head that I'm still writing too and when I do decide to put the address out there, the blog will be well established and I should have found a good rhythm.

Until then, I'm enjoying talking to you, my lovely, imaginary audience. And thank you for not criticizing me.

Do I have to?

So, I have to have a difficult conversation with someone later and I'm looking forward to it only because that means it will be taken care of. It's one of those I'm-letting-you-down-and-here's-why conversations. I wish I could just email them the bottom line, but alas, humans like explanations; so I will soon be explaining. After it's over I anticipate a healthy does of relief as this conversation, if handled effectively, will close one of the chapters in my life-book. 

There's another conversation that will inevitably occur soon that I'm not looking forward at all. It's more of a hey-John-why-didn't-you-follow-through-with-this conversation and my (pre-conceived) response will be concise and honest. While I don't really feel any guilt about this particular situation, after-all we are in the Easter season, I don't want to have to explain myself either. I signed up for something and due to a lack of communication from the other side, didn't realize what all I was getting myself into.

Oh, and there's a third conversation that is more of a I'm-letting-you-down-and-here's-why/hey-John-why-didn't-you-follow-through-with-this hybrid conversation. Specifically, it entails HEB receiving my two-weeks notice. I have legitimate reasons for quitting; namely, moving across the state before moving across the world, but I fear a negative response. Hopefully, I'll catch the right manager on the right day to minimize the pain. Although, I will be very relieved when that one can be checked off. 

And to round this out on a positive note, there is a conversation, or set of them, that I'm purely looking forward to and those are my upcoming interviews in Louisville, Kentucky at the placement event. I'm very excited to say that I am only minimally nervous and just have an all-around good feeling about the whole situation. 

So, conversations aren't always bad, some just require more care and planning than others.