Hello, World.

Good morning! I'm sitting at my computer with my morning cup of coffee and enjoying the sounds of the birds, air units, and the breeze as I decided to open my windows. Opening my windows is one of those things that I always enjoy but seem to never remember. Back to my morning cup of coffee. It's different today! Instead of Coffeemate French Vanilla liquid creamer, I'm using half-and-half and sugar and here's the kicker: they're both organic (my coffee would be too, but too bad my roommate already filled the bean reservoir with something else).

The point of all of this is to let you know that I've decided to ease into "going green". See, I have a tendency to rush into things, devote all my energy, peak early, and quickly burn-out. I'm trying to avoid that here. My first step was to start buying organic food not only because of the lack of additives, but also because of the lack of damage done to the environment in their production. Here, I must vent for a moment; I'm very frustrated at not being able to find a good, user-friendly website that helps you to live a more environmentally lifestyle! So, if I find a good one, I'll post it here, and if you find a good one, you'd better do the same. ;)

So, I went to that wonderful place we call HEB (where I also happen to work) and made my way through the aisles grabbing some produce here, some cereal there. Now, I had heard how expensive organics were but I was quite happy with my bill as I didn't feel it was ridiculous by any means. Hopefully a less materialistic lifestyle (something I'm continually working on, but inevitably failing at) will help to offset the price of eating/living healthy. Oh, and I also bought reusable grocery bags to bring my groceries home in!

All in all I felt pretty productive as I finished my scheduled day at 1:00 PM and went to Starbucks then because my class was cancelled. It is then that I went on my Organic Extravaganza, but it is what happened afterward that is truly remarkable; I went to my room and worked on my big paper! I've been really bad about this one due to a lack of motivation for a poorly chosen topic (which has thankfully been changed) and general procrastination. Yet, I finished re-watching the movie that I'm writing over (Daughter of Keltoum, which is recommended viewing) and took no less than 12 pages of notes. I then found 22 articles over Algeria, the Berbers, women, water, and mountains that I now need to work through. The point is, I'm now really excited about this paper and am looking forward to working on it later tonight when I get off work.

And now I'm going to finish my morning internet rounds, drinking my coffee, and enjoying my view (which I realized yesterday is quite nice)...

Astronomical Reckoning

For a while I've wrestled with what to do with this awkward time block between college and volunteering. I toyed with the idea of being a counselor at three different camp/conference centers, keeping my job at HEB, staying in Kerrville (both on and off campus), transferring to an HEB at home, and working for a ranch in Junction.

What I've settled on is to go home for the summer and just be. I'll read and write, spend time with family, travel and say good-bye to friends, catch up on films I want to see, help my parents out with working cows when they need it, keep the house up to make it easier on them, run through woods in the morning, take plenty of pictures, eat healthier, cook, and relax. I won't be getting a job. I feel like 3 months isn't enough time to really commit myself to anything anyway and I've asked my parents to keep any tractor work to a minimum as I find it overwhelming depressing. I may even find somewhere to volunteer a few hours a week.

I don't really know what I want to accomplish. I feel like it will be a good transition from Schreiner to India/Guatemala (I will be volunteering in one of these countries for a year beginning in August). I'll be able to visit my friends a few times but also allow myself to be more comfortable away from them. I'll be able to spend time with my nephew, Josh, as well as my brother and sister-and-law. I'm just trying not to over-plan it by keeping my options open and as scheduleless as possible.

Also, because I had to miss a trip in February that the school payed for, we had to buy a refunded ticket from the university for $357. So, I'll need to find a way to spend that ticket before the end of August comes. Going off of an idea that my friend, Elaine, gave me, I think I may just fly up to New Hampshire for a few days and relax in the most rural bed & breakfast I'm able to find. I think that could be both fun and rewarding

So, now I'm really looking forward to the summer and what it has to offer. The only thing I really want to do is to just center myself.

Sleeping Pills, Turtles, and Mines

Last night we watched Turtles Can Fly in Islamic Studies. It was intense. The film was made by an Iranian director in Iraq and was the first film to be made there since the fall of Saddam Hussein. The film focuses on a small village on the Turkish-Iraqi border with a large population of orphaned and/or refugee Kurdish children. A wide variety of children were presented and some of their stories were truly heartbreaking. The film is fiction but feels like a documentary. I don't want to go into too many details in case anyone wants to see it, which I heartily recommend. Warning: don't sit down with popcorn and friends for this one expecting a light evening of entertainment. For example, after we finished our short discussion, one of my professors said, "Well, I'm glad you all enjoyed the film." I kind of laughed and said, "I don't know that enjoyed it the right word." I do appreciate how uncomfortable it made me and how much it gave me to think about.

What the film did most is make me feel hopeless. There are children all over the world hurt by war and the fact is whether we leave today or tomorrow from Iraq, these children's situations will be the same. They will still have lost arms and legs, will still be orphans, will still remember the rape that forced a child on them. The film crossed political lines for me. It makes the issues we argue over in American politics seem juvenile. Turtles Can Fly wasn't even anti-American; yet, I felt my fair share of American guilt. I remember the day of invasion and watching as that long caravan of American tanks went over portable bridges into Iraq feeling a sense of pride and purpose. What the hell was I thinking!?

Have we made life easier for children whose arms were blown of by mines America left from a past war? We haven't, and we can't. My other professor felt the director was trying to convey that when some things are done their effects are permanent. We see the war in Iraq as an event. For children living there it won't really ever end. They will still have the scars and miss their parents for the rest of their lives. What are we to do as privileged westerners?

As a Christian I find myself searching for the hope that Christ brings to situations like this one. To be honest, I haven't found it yet. But I'm still looking. On the way to class this morning I wondered, what, if anything, can I do to make a difference. I realized that I really do need to be more thankful for the totally undeserved life I have been given. Recently, I have been procrastinating writing a paper and feeling overwhelmed because "all" the things I need to do. Guess, what? My life's not difficult! It's a cake walk on sleeping pills. I feel like my call right now is to be more appreciative for everything that's been given to me and to use it more wisely. I know we all have a wider call to help unjust situations around the world but right now, I'm going to try to focus on what I can do here and now.

So, I went and watched the American Idol results. See what I mean, hopeless...